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Party Patio Lights
Which way sounds better?
"From inside the house came the noisy activity typical of a small party, but outside, on the patio, the evening was blessedly quiet. In the distance the lights of the city shimmered in a cool breeze, bringing respite from the oppressive tropical heat. "
-or-
"From inside the house came the noisy activity typical of a small party, but outside, on the patio, the evening was blessedly quiet. Distant city lights shimmered on the horizon. A cool breeze crossed the hilltop, bringing respite from the oppressive tropical heat."
Or some other variant?
Yes, this is the 3rd time a posted a Q on this paragraph. I just want to get it right since it is the opener for a book. All advice appreciated. Thanks!
The first draft is done. I just want to tweak the first paragraph so it brings in rather than alienates potential readers.
Definitely 2.
But take out the comma in the last sentence and consider taking it out the commas surrounding "on the patio"
Also consider:
"Inside was a small, boisterous party. But here on the patio the evening was refreshingly quiet. Distant city lights shimmered on the horizon and a gentle breeze crossed the hilltop bringing respite from the tropical heat."
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Tags:
diy,
lighting,
lights,
party patio lights,
patio,
wedding
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